Age Before Beauty

A certain Finnish driving-instructor turned celebrity acrobat has reportedly been spotted coming out of the London branch of Personal Cosmetic Loveliness Ltd. The clinic specialises in 'intimate' procedures for women over a certain age who want to appear 'younger'. Services offered include Creative Pubescence, in which 'the biological process of puberty is reversed in some areas and enhanced in others' - in other words, they make your tits bigger and your hole smaller.