tech ___ gossip ___ facts . . . . . . magazine

Friday, 25 June 2010

Knee High

A recent study has shown that 67% of women aged 18-33 admit under duress the desire that the beauty of their kneecaps cause a continued sickening feeling of overwhelming envy in everyone else on earth. Sound alarming? Maybe, but it's great news for the host of aesthetic joint enhancement start-ups hoping for a boost in the market. Procedures on offer include elbow incineration, eyelid flagellation and the increasingly popular shoulder scrape, so those of you with even a single intact memory of self-respect can get down to your local practitioner and demand they set about flaying the fuck out of you without delay!

Monday, 7 June 2010

The Power Curve?

A leading tabloid newspaper is reportedly negotiating a new Page 3 spread that will feature women wearing burqas. The garments will be traditional in every way except for one key feature, the chest area being exposed of course. Newspaper editors have responded to criticism by claiming the campaign will be empowering to Muslim women, and will comprise a celebration of every woman's right to be paid for getting her tits out.