Is The Public Interested?

Rumour has it a new brand of mega-superinjunctions is being cooked up by top legal brains acting on behalf of philandering celebrities. The outrageous new measures will prevent members of the press from stealing bodily tissue samples from celebrities and then having them analysed to determine such information such as genetic tendencies to illness.

The move comes after a recent shocking development in which a newspaper was actually prevented from publishing the fertility status of an actress, gleaned from analysis of a stolen pair of her underpants and associated fluids, even though this was clearly in the public interest since the actress had been seen only a few days before holding the hand of a male celebrity whose fertility had already been established by the same tabloid journalists.

These legal developments are also causing increased concern that judges hellbent on protecting powerful entertainers will move to prevent the creation of a new machine designed to harness the power of psychics to read the minds of bereaved parents, reporting their innermost despair and turmoil in handy, easy to digest daily instalments, not to mention an accompanying free commemorative Royal Wedding teaspoon holder and rifle ornament! It was all about romance and pageantry after all, so what better way to remember it than through a quality piece of military regalia?